The Declaration of Indigestion
When in the Course of Digestive Events it becomes necessary for one gaggle of jaws to dissolve the consumptive bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the body, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Digestion entitle them, a decent respect to the dietary choices of Mouthkind requires that they should, for the good of the entire body, disassociate themselves from the rest of the body tout suite and forthwith.
We hold these tooths to be self-evident, that all Mouths are created equal, that they are endowed as Gateways to the Body to have certain unalienable Rights, among these taste and speech. That whenever any Form of Consumption becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Mouths to alter or to abolish it, through outright refusal or the spitting out of non-real food, and to institute a new Declaration, one excluding artificial ingredients, genetic modification, and Earth-altering pesticides, created in laboratories by Brains wearing funny white hats -- laying its foundation on Organic principles and organizing its powers by sharing the Mouthifesto from Teeth to shining Teeth.
No Trans Fats
We the Mouths, in order to build a more perfect body, will not open to Trans Fats, which increase the risk of heart disease.
No Artificial Anything
Spray not, for we will not open! The Earth from which we eat absorbs 5 billion pounds of pesticides a year2 because of the Brains.